Time Tripping

Right now I’m struggling with all of the things I want to do compared to all of the things I am doing in relationship to all of the time I don’t have in which to do things.

It’s very tiring.

And don’t get me wrong: most of the things I’m doing are amazing and I don’t regret one single minute of lost down-time. I’m teaching a true storytelling class to a truly amazing group of humans who make me feel all the feels all the time. I’m also teaching a ghost storytelling class to a dynamic duo of intrepid explorers who are pushing me to do unexpected things like try to figure out a field trip that we can actually do in the time we have. I’m striving toward continuing to be a rock star, writing music and stealing practices even as we’re one band member short. I’m taking a singing class, expanding my repertoire of murder ballads and songs about death. I’m saying yes to taking out the kayaks, taking out the dogs, traveling too many miles to spend time with friends for too little time, and making time for my spouse. I’m reading more tarot. I’m building a 501c3. I’m making a point of engaging in self-care.

But I also feel so disappointed in what I’m not finding time to do. I’m not writing, even after a strong start trying to kick my ass into gear on blogging and writing articles. I’m not making it to my yoga classes or the gym as many times a week as I prefer. I’m not job seeking effectively. I’m not seeing ALL of the friends, or even keeping up with all of the friends, that matter to me. I’m not creating a podcast. I’m not reading as much as I want to be. I’m not laughing as much as I want to be. I’m not sitting quietly as much as I want to be.

Adult life is so often trying to find the balance between what you want and what you must – paired with a healthy dose of guilt as tied to obligation and straight-up habit. What you are willing to do, give up, and suffer to make sure you have are important indicators of where you are in relationship to living the life you want to be living. They are also really easy to ignore until something shakes you out of your routine.

Sometimes it seems like our lives are just happening to us but we do make choices, we do commit to where we place our energy. And, honestly, sometimes we just can’t do it all and we end up doing those things that demand us most. There will always be something that gets put on the backburner, something that ends up being pushed off until other projects are done.

It’s still hard not to feel a little sad for those things that aren’t getting done, though. And also hard not to wish I had time to take a freaking nap.

#time