When Bad News Happens

Delivering bad or disappointing news is one of the down-sides to taking on a position of leadership. Yes, you get the “power,” you get the decision making, sometimes you even get the glory, but you also get the obligation and the unenviable responsibility of delivering bad news like telling people they are fired or that they won’t be getting the job or promotion they want.

Pro Tip: When delivering bad or disappointing news in a professional capacity, it’s not about you and how delivering this news makes you feel. If you put the person receiving bad news into the position to have to comfort you? That’s not only unprofessional, it’s also a weird kind of cruelty that suggests you are, at best, self-absorbed and, at worst, lacking in empathy in a way that begs the question of your choice as leader. You are giving someone information that affects their future, income, and sometimes even their professional identity – the only person in that scenario that has a right to break a professional barrier and show emotion in that conversation? Is the person receiving the bad news.

This is not to say that you, as the person in the leadership position, can’t have the emotions. Feel all the agony, sympathy, sorrow, grief, etc. you need – just have those feelings in your own time and your own space and don’t make it the problem of the person sitting on the other side of your desk, phone call, or email. It doesn’t make the person receiving the information feel better to know that you feel bad. You are having a bad day. That other person is potentially in professional and personal crisis.

If you truly feel the need to share emotions with the person to whom you deliver bad news, consider an approach that starts with sharing empathy: I understand that this must be hard to hear, I’m sorry that the outcome wasn’t what you’d hoped for – something that indicates you are open to an emotional engagement but not expecting or seeking it and that any emotion shared is about the person, not about you. This is not the time to share an anecdote about how hurt you were when you were let go or the worst day you’ve ever had, it’s a time to be open to listening if that’s what you feel you must offer. Then actually LISTEN, accept what the person has to share, keep it professional, and thank the person for being willing to engage on this personal level with you.

Mostly just remember: as hard as it is for you to deliver this news? It’s far worse to receive it. Give the person the dignity of determining his or her own self-care needs in that moment and give them the right to beat a hasty retreat out of the conversation if they are feeling emotional and do not wish to share emotions with you. Aim for empathy without expectation and remember that, as a leader, this moment is on you but not about you.

(x-posted to my LinkedIn)